A MantoMan Talk
by fudgeandbrownies
Summary: Artemis, Butler and Foaly have a chat about why three WONDERFUL guys like them still are single. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Hi! Here Butler, Arty and Foaly discuss why they're still single. Of course Arty shouldn't mind, but he hates to be left out. ((doesn't everyone?))

… …

Artemis was lounging on his bed, having a blank mind and wondering why his life was so boring. Yeah. Borinnnnnggg. Just a few excitements of breaking into vaults, knocking out security guars and etcetera. He bounced on his bed. "Boing!" he squealed delightfully, with a not-so-perfect cutesy lilt in his voice. "Boing! Boing! Boing! Boi…ahh!" his voice broke.

He reached out for the bell on his bedside table. _Ring!_

"Yes, Artemis?" Butler stepped into the room and bowed. "I'm bored." Artemis sighed. "Biiig surprise," Butler remarked.

Artemis shot Butler a warning glance. "Summon that Foaly centaur person up here, now!" he demanded. "I want to talk. To you and to him."

Suddenly, a poof! erupted and Foaly appeared before them. "Spare the effort, Butt-butt. I'm already here."

Butler leered dangerously at him. "Butt-butt, eh?"

"My good man, you misheard me. I said Butler."

"Whatever," Artemis waved his hand around airily.

"Artemis, don't interrupt!" Butler growled. "What a pain in the-"

"Brother, don't swear!" Foaly stopped him. "I'm the only nice one here, you know," and imagined himself with a halo on his head.

Artemis had a grossed-out look on his face. "Foaly! Why is there poo on your head?"

Foaly brushed a hand over his head and flattened the poo on it. "EWWW!" Butler squealed in a girlish manner.

Artemis cleared his throat. "Anyway."

"Yes?" Foaly replied.

"I was wondering, why are three charming, suave, attractive, cool and handsome guys like us still single?"

Butler eyed Foaly's head. "Maybe just the both of us, Artemis."

Foaly grunted and Butler shut up. "Have any admirers, Arty?"

"Uh…" Artemis tapped his chin. _Who? Who? I can't seem like an idiot in front of these two! Oh, I know! _"Dora the Explorer!"

… At this point allow me to interrupt. Please read my Adora ficcy!...

"NOOOOO!" Butler screamed. "HOW CAN THAT BE? HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY DARLING FIANCEE?"

Foaly's jaw dropped. "My God. You can't be serious, man! She's a mutant, even though I say so myself!"

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY DEAR DORA? YOU BIMBLERING BLUMBERING BLUBBERING BLARING BULL!" Butler yelled and the whole room shook.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Foaly's not a bull, nor is he blubbering."

"Shaddup."

"You seem to have forgotten that I'm the master of the house," Artemis reached to straighten his tie, only to find that he had forgotten to put it on. Aware of how strange the action might seem, he quickly put his hands on his hips and struck a pose.

"More mistress than master, it seems," Foaly sniggered.

Artemis rolled his eyes. "The juvenile disposition of the juvenile delinquents before the unjuvenile me brings the level of juvenility beyond any level of juvenility considered juvenile."

Butler gaped. "Words fail me."

"I didn't understand that," Foaly said, stumped.

"Come to think of it, I didn't either," Artemis replied, "But never mind, I still am the brilliant mind I always was."

"Big deal!" Butler sniffed. "Let's get back to the marvelous topic. Why are we single?"

"I thought Dora was your fiancée," Foaly commented innocently.

"Temporary mental breakdown," Butler brushed it off.

"Oh, no, no, Butler!" Artemis exclaimed. "You have a permanent mental problem. There never has been a time when you made sense."

"Whatever…"

"Artemis," Foaly said in a grave voice, "the time has come for me to say something."

"You idiot, you always have been talking!" Butler observed.

"How amazing!" Artemis remarked sarcastically.

Foaly cleared his throat throatily. "I was about to say, you, Artemis, clearly are in love with my dear colleague Holly Short, and I must say I object! Besides the horrifying age gap, the contrast in looks, the..."

"What do you mean by that?" Artemis demanded. "I think Holly's very pretty!"

"Then it is," Butler said matter-of-factly, "rather obvious, what Foaly is implying, that is, that you are a contrast to Holly's amazing beauty," at this point Artemis shot him a I-can't-believe-you glance, "which more or less means that you are ugly."

"Amazing." Artemis rolled his eyes. "I AM NOT UGLY! NOR IS HOLLY! BUT YOUR BRAIN IS, IN IT'S DETERIORATING STATE! DON'T TRY TO BE CLASSY AND POISED LIKE YOUR WONDERFUL MASTER, ME! Whew! That took a lot of lung power!"

"Anyway, I don't approve of you two getting together. You two just don't cut it, you know whadda mean, dude?" Foaly gave a weird hand sign.

"Are you trying to act like you're a punk?" Artemis asked.

Foaly looked insulted. "I'm insulted! I'm a centaur!"

Butler gaped. "UH. Right."

"It has suddenly occurred to my brilliant mind," Artemis suddenly stood up straight, "that Foaly is not a guy."

"WHAT!" Foaly roared.

"I mean," Artemis said calmly, "that you are a centaur, and according to my calculations, a centaur's brain differs by 47.275225 compared to a human's brain."

"Of course. We are superior."

"I meant lower, Foaly."

Foaly snorted and a considerable amount of dirt came out. "My hoof."

"Oh yeah?" Artemis stared at Foaly as fiercely as he could. His effect was a four year old kid staring stupidly at a weightlifter.

"Whaddya gonna do to me? Huh?" Foaly reared on his back hoofs and… and… and…

… … … …. …. …

Oh dear! What will Foaly do to Artemis? Oh noo! Read the next chappy to find out! There will be a chappy two in some time… guess this isn't a one shot after all! Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! Hoped you guys enjoyed Chapter One… though looking at the number of reviews, it sucked. Anyway, here's Chapter Two! If you think it's short, look at chap 1 & 2 at one go, it was supposed to be a one-shot. I'm sorry if it seems a little hurried, cos it was. I'm trying to finish up all my stories so I can start on Adora Returns. I am sooo sorry for the slow update, I actually finished this, like, 3 weeks ago and my computer hung while I was posting this and I thought that it got posted, so once again, sorry! Curse my computer, then.

… …

Most obviously, this is continued from chapter one. So, you have to read chapter one to know where this continues from.

… and farted. "Shit. It didn't come out the way I wanted it too!" Foaly grunted.

"Uh. Cool." Artemis made a face which made him look all the more normal, which is true, you know, because he just doesn't look normal the way he is. Well, back to the story.

Foaly stuck out his tongue. "Nevermind. Can we puuuueeeaassseee go back to the original topic?" He tried out his puppy eyes, which is rather ironic as he's a centaur and you know how he is about his species.

Butler gave him a _look_. "Yeah, we should. I just can't imagine," he paused to stare at Foaly, "anyone, including dung, pairing up with him."

Foaly made a noise that sounded like swearing, but I plan to keep this kid friendly so it'll come out as a bleep.

BLEEP! CENSORED

Butler gave a growl that made Foaly, or even the meanest troll jump. "Ahh!" Foaly screamed and hid his head under a pillow like an ostrich, which is rather stupid because… fine I'll stop ranting about animals.

Meanwhile, Artemis was considering calling up the mental hospital, which he should have earlier, but decided against it, for if he did, he wouldn't have a bodyguard to protect his beautiful frame. He gave his most tarzan-like yell ever, which didn't sound like king kong at all as his voice was on the verge of breaking. Butler and Foaly, of course, looked up at him, and considered sending him to the mental hospital too, but none of them, luckily, were stupid enough to voice his opinions.

So Artemis said, "Uh. This discussion is redundant! I know my life," he imagined a spotlight being trained on him like those actors who deliver some dramatic line, "I know, my body, my soul, balanced in the ying-yang of karma. The peace. The serenity. The way, the path, to a healthy mind and soul."

Butler looked shocked. "I should resign, Artemis! I mean, no one would capture you! You're a complete whacko."

Artemis looked insulted. "Is it only now that you realize, my loyal Butler?"

"Duh."

Artemis almost cried.

"You know what, guys? Let's forget this and let Artemis be with his Holly, in a lounge at the top of the world." Foaly interrupted.

"I'm at the top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the love that I've found ever since you've been around, your lurve puts me at the top of the woooorrrrrrllllllddddd! (Sung by the Carpenters, I didn't compose this)" Artemis sang horribly.

"What song was that?" Butler asked.

"It's so famous, how can you not know it?" Artemis exclaimed exasperatedly.

"It's because, the way you sang it, there was no tune," Butler said with horrible grammar. Hey, they can't be too bright, can they?

"Arrgh shaddup." Foaly groaned. "For this past hour, we've been talking rubbish with no meaning to it. I. Give. Up. Why can't that Holly Short be here to kiss her dear Arty so I can leave?"

"Great idea!" Butler said brightly and looked idiotic with his apparently wide eyes.

"What the!" Artemis screamed. "After all this I don't get to discuss everything with you guys?"

"Yep." Foaly said smugly.

"Why… you…" Artemis reached out to punch Foaly. His fist collided with something rock hard and solid before he heard a girly scream and two 'poof's. When he finally opened his tightly shut eyes, he saw Butler with his hand over his mouth.

"Butler, stop that, you look stupid." Artemis commanded him.

"A… Ah… Artemis…" Butler stammered. "You… hit… Holly… just as she came… and she and Foaly… ran off… she looked… mad…"

"WHAT?" Artemis screamed. "Why didn't you stop me?"

"I am not Holly, I don't know when she decides to appear."

"Shit."

… …

Half an hour later…

"Butler, I'm bored."


End file.
